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Thursday, November 4, 2010

PYAR KA DARD ( Love Hurts)

by shash dar-

 I was 22 and knew that I was gay and had a couple of botched up sexcapades but nothing meaty or emotional. It was just wham bam and slurp and oohs and aaahs, not misty eyes, not tingling in the heart or rainbows in the sky. Just plan old sex sex and more sex. I was getting fed up of meeting all the wrong kind of people who just wanted a fuck and then meet again only for sex. Not that it was not fun but that it was only fun and nothing substantial.
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> That is till I met this 19 year old junior from my college, Mir. He was taller than me around 5'10" fair and had this boy next door looks. Very cute to look at and extra warm. We were introduced to each other by a friend of mine who used to stay in the same neighbourhood as Mir. I was in my final year and we both had taken the same subjects in college. I wanted to be a financial wiz and he a financial reporter. We both had a lot in common in our aspirations and ambitions inspite of sharing different star signs. Where we differed was our personalities, I am brash, loud, on your face, straightforward and all heart while he was soft, laid back and very calculative.. this I later realised.
> We spoke a lot in the college canteen, initially about our academics and then about everything else in life, we became very tight in just a few meetings. I would wait for him to finish his class and he would do the same for me. He lived a couple of miles from my place but we made it a point to meet every evening for an hour or so and spend time with each other.
> After about six months or so of meeting we both had our exams and were not in a position to meet for over 2 months. We would chat over the phone but briefly. He came from a very conservative family where the elders would take the decision and one just had to say yes and I from a family where my father would ask us to speak our problems out and we would take a consolidated decision but the choice was always ours. He is one man who I admire todate as he taught us that we are human and we have the power of choice, the ultimate decision always has to be our own, good or bad does not matter. The reason I am mentioning families will be clear in the end.
> We both finished our exams and were expecting excellent scores, and were meeting after 2 months, we had decided to catch a new flick and then have dinner to celebrate the start of a month long holiday. At 5pm that day I saw him at the movie hall, he was wearing a white half sleeved T shirt and a pair of blue light cotton trousers. I had never seen him wearing a pair of trousers in college ever, always jeans for him. I was dressed in a Black half sleeved T-shirt and black cotton trousers with a pair of black boots on. Gymming is a passion and hence have a fantastic body but he works out at home and has a lean body but really good rounded butt. I waved out and just ran to him. He just beamed a fantastic smile and hugged me tightly, the tightness of the hug took me by surprise but I loved it all the more. We started talking and walked in to the hall..we had so much catching up to do. We were really surprised to see the hall nearly empty, maybe 2 or 3
> couples were there but that's it. We took two corner seats in the second last tier. We had no one near us and hence could speak away to glory. The lights faded out and then something great happened, Mir just took my hands in his and clutched it tightly and held on. After about 10 minutes he just took my hand and put it on his thighs and let it rest there. I looked at  him and he just leaned towards me and said " I missed you " and slowly gave me light kiss on my cheeks.
> He had a light aftershave on and I quiet liked his peck on my cheek. I just smiled and got back to watchig the movie. After about 5 minutes or so he kept his palm on my hand which was on his thigh and started caressing it. I knew I was gay but wanted him to come out first, I realised this was leading somewhere but did not want to hurry it. The movie was extra boring so we started talking again. He spoke about some guests at home for the holidays which would make it difficult for him to meet me everyday..but added that he would make it a point to meet every alternate day. All the while he was caressing my hand and slowly but surely pushing is nearer his crotch. I wanted to test him and hence took my hand off his thighs and put it on my lap. His face immediately became sad or disturbed. I then took is hand and put it on my thighs but very near my crotch so that if he moved his finges then they would rub against my cock which was semi erect... He
> immediately had a smile on his face and looked down at my crotch then looked up and smiled at me. I smiled back and he took the lead and started caressing my thighs and touching my dick till it was erect. As I did not object he pressed my erect dick with his fingers and started to stroke it through the trousers. Then he opened the button of my trousers and pulled the zip down. slowly he leaned towards me and pulled my face to his and kissed me on my lips very lightly but very sensually. Then he put his tongue inside my mouth and locked it on my tongue, after a couple of minutes of tonguing each other he pulled out of the kiss and said " I am gay " I replied " God am so happy ", he looked at me with a qhizzical look and said " What??", I said " I am gay too".
> We kissed again and this time with a lot of passion and raw emotion. rough with each other, nipping each others lips and tongues and making a lot of noise, moaning, slurping, it was like we were in our own world and cared a fuck for anyone. We were like two kids in a candy shop. Then he put his hand inside my boxers and took out my Erect 10" cock and started stroking it, I was so excited that I had to control myself from cumming there and then.. He then broke away and bent down and licked the head of my cock with his long sharp tongue in a very sensuous way. It sent shivers up my spine..the atmosphere was absolutely electric, we were both charged and were in love with each other. he went on licking the mushroom head of my cock and put his tongue into my piss hole and licked the inside of it.. boy was he good. I was moaning away loudly and dnt care if others in the hall were aware of us or not.. Mir slowly pulled my dick into his mouth and started sucking
> it slowly at first and then he was bobbing up and down like a spring doll.. I could not hold back and shouted " am gonna cum" He looked up for a second and smiled and sucked my dick even harder and deeper. He timed his deepthroating so well that when I was all in was when I came, cum I  did and what an orgasm.. jet after jet of jism shot into his throat and he did not let one drop fall out, he drank it all. then when I was finished he looked up and nodded to me and I returned the nod and he finally let go of my cock.
> It was my turn and I put my hand on his dick and found it hard and his trousers already wet with precum. I pulled his dick out of his trousers in a hurry and went down to suck him. He had a 8" fat dick. I kissed the head and started to lick it..and then put my tongue in his slit.. he moaned and held me tight and pushed my head down on his cock and started cumming, jets of cum hit me on my face and my mouth which I opened and the rest I just gulped down. He was so excited that he could not hold on at all and came in a minute with full force. Such was our raw passion that it nearly burnt us up. We were not finished, by no means. We went to the mens room and cleaned up and came back to our seats. He said " Wow I knew it would be like this but never knew it would be sooooo good", I just winked at him. He took my hand and cuddled for the next 20 minutes. Then he once again took his hand and started to caress my cock through the trousers. I had not bothered to
> zip up and hence he had easy access to my already erect cock. He cuddled up to me and wispered in my ears " will you fuck me here in this hall" I was not ready for this as I had never done anything like this in public, he was ready for it but I was reluctant.. then he looked at me with puppy dog eyes and puckered up and said " Pleease", I just gave in to those  beautiful eyes and said "Ok doll whatever pleases you". He took a tube of vaseline from his pocket and pulled my dick out and applied a generous blob on my had fuck pole, He then stroked it for a while and then undid his trousers and pulled them down to his knees. He then did something which I would never have imagined, he pulled out a beach towel from his bag and spread it in between the seats and then got up and laid face down.
> He had come prepared for this and had planned for this to happen. It was clever as that was the darkest place and no one could see us.. I hurriedly pulled my trousers down and then went and slept over him. Slowly he put his hand back and guided my throbbing dick on to his asshole. I let him do that as my dick was long and thick and would pain him if I just pushed it in. He asked me to push slowly which I did and then after a minute of so his asshole had eaten my whole cock. My balls were touching his ass cheeks.. I then got into a rythem, slow long strokes in the beginning and then slowly increasing the speed, he had a tight ass and was really hot, it was like a furnace in there and my cock was really working up more heat with every stroke. He was enjoying it and was moaning away to glory. After about half an hour I asked him to turn over and took his feet over my shoulder, now I was getting into the mood and dnt care a fuck if the whole world was
> watching me. I inserted my dick back into him but in one push. It pained him a bit but then he loved it too.. I then started to fuck him hard and fast, my balls slapping on his ass every time I plunged my dick in. He was all the while moaning and shouting " fuck me harder".. I fucked him for a while more and felt his asshole tighten and knew he was cumming, and boy did he come, his jism shot out to his face and hair and behind him, the sensation of his asshole tightly holding my dick was too much for me too and I shot my secong load inside his hot ass. Then we collapsed on each other for a while. Then I got up zipped up and he too stood up, wiped himself clean with the beach towel and threw it on the seat ahead.
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> He then kissed me again and asked " do you love me" I said " you have any doubts?" He smiled and just kissed me again. Then the movie got over and we walked out of hall and went to a great place for dinner..
> The holidays passed in a jiffy.. we fucked every alternate day when we met and that continued even after the holidays.. I was in my last semister and hence was going away for 6 months to another city for my project.. he did not like the idea but I could not help it..We cried the night I was to leave and had great sex on a park bench. We both loved outdoor sex. "I will come to see you next month as soon as I get some break from college" he said. I said " dont worry 6 months will pass like 6 days" heart of heart I knew it was going to be difficult for the both of us. He came to see me off at the railway station and cried and hugged me.
> I finished my college with flying colours and was selected in the campus interview as an intern by a fantastic financial giant. He had two more years to go. We would still meet often but with my busy schedule at office and his conservative parents not letting him leave home after 10pm made it difficult for us to meet every day. We could get time to have sex only on the weekends and both of us being in our prime wanted it every day. He would call me at my office and we would speak for a couple of minutes every hour.
> Then one day he did not call me at all. He did not have a cell phone and I dnt know how to reach him.. I was thinking about a way to call him as it was 6 pm and my cel phone rang. He said " sorry got busy with studies and lectures", I dont know how or why, but I knew he was lying. I said " love today is the first time you lied to me". He just cut the call and never called back again that day. I called him at his residence that night around 9 and his mom said that he had already gone to sleep..
> The next day too he did not call me till 6 pm and then I got his call, he sounded chirpy and said " yo my love how are you?" I told him that I was worried and he just asked me to chill and said that he would meet me at my place by 9pm.
> I reached home early and took a shower and wanted to look my best for him, he came in at 9 sharp and after shutting the door just hugged me tight and kissed me passionately. Then he said " I am staying the night", I said " you father allowed you to do that" " screw him" He picked up my phone and called his father and told him that he would come home the next day and after a couple of minutes just cut the line. He turned around and had tears in his eyes.
> I was shocked " what's it" " Love am leaving this country, dad has set up a consultancy in the middle east", and saying this he just burst out crying. I hugged him as tight as I could. Slowly we went to the bedroom and laid on the bed. We both were crying and hugging each other and kissing each other tenderly savoring every moment we had with each other. We made love to each other lotsa times that night, and spoke lots.. His father was going to a country where I would never get a job.. Iraq. There was no equity market there. His dad was into construction. I told him to live here with me and I would take care of his expenses, he turned around and said " Love, I am going to help my dad out in the business. I have quit college. After all I am the eldest in the family".
> We had breakfast which I made and then we went down to his car and he got in and drove away and I stood by and could only watch as his car left taking my life with it..
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> I was totally broken at his leaving me. Mir had promised to write to me, email me and call me.. but then for a while may be a year he did call and write to me .. then the frequency dwindled and then stopped completely.. I was in my new job and had to travel a lot, meeting new people, new companies to assess.. to find new investment possiblilities etc.. Life was on a high professionaly but probably that was because I had no other distractions. I would avoid anyone who would want to come near me.. or someone who would want to form a relationship with me.. I would immerse myself in work. This was my way of shielding from the hurt that was caused when Mir who so abruptly came into my life and left so abruptly. In the process turned my life into an emotional void.
> I was still smarting from his departure even two years later, but was just getting back to normal emotionaly, had started attending social gatherings which I had been avoiding all this while. I tried to call Mir on the numbers that he called from but got a dead line. emailed him a couple of times but no response.. I was worried, angry, pissed all at the same time but I missed him like hell and it was hurting even after so long. I longed to be with him, his laugh, his puppy dog look which would melt my heart, his dont care attitude and his public display of affection. I missed his warmth, his tight hug, his lips, his eyes, the smell of his breath.. I missed our hearts beating together after a solid bout of sex.. I just missed that special someone who I could own as mine.
> I was in a London for an assignment and was posted there for a couple of months.. It was December and quiet cold.. Snowed a couple of nights. I was all alone in this grey city and this city could push you to great depression just by its weather. Gloomy and dull.. I wanted to feel some warmth, see a lot of smiles and hence decided to visit a nearby Mall. It was where the local kids would hang out and seeing them laughing and pulling pranks on each other was enough to pull me out of my rather dull mood. This is where I saw a sight which stunned me. I saw him at a mall in a city so far from where we grew up and after so long..I looked again to confirm that it was him.. and yes it was him ..MIR was there about a 100 feet from me and looked just the same.. maybe a couple of pounds heavier and looked a bit grown up, but his eyes still had the same puppy dog  look which would melt anyone's heart..He had not seen me yet and was looking out for someone, I was
> about to yell his name out when all of a sudden she just appeared out of nowhere and gave him a tight hug. That is Fal the girl from college, she used to be in the same class as Mir and was very fond of him. He had always told me that she was no one to him and that it was just boys spreading rumours.
> He lifted her of her feet and kissed her. I could see that she was in love but he was just reciprocating because that was how it was supposed to be. I could see that he was stiff and not emotionally attached to her but.. Then he saw me.. His eyes immediately widened and the look of his face changed, he smiled, a real smile and let go of Fal. He asked her to wait and walked up to me, extended his arm and shook my outstreched hand. then he gave me a light hug and introduced me to Fal. She knew me and gave me a warm hug. I was so stunned at seeing him when I had lost all hopes of meeting him that I just could not speak anything. My personality had changed in the two years and I was now more mellowed down and was very business like and soft when I spoke. I wanted to kiss him and hug him hard but could not as I knew something was on between him and Fal.
> He said " hey we had planned for dinner and now it is going to be more fun, you me and Fal". I just wanted to get out of there and also stay with him all at the same time.. I just stayed back. We sat down for dinner at a classy diner and then I asked him " you been lost, no phone, no email no communication?" He just nodded his and said "lets eat first and then talk, we have the whole night to ourselves. We shall catch up, its a weekend and you must have an off tomorrow, anyways even if you are working then you just have to call in sick" and winked at me. I was just waiting to catch up with him alone and hence dinner passed with just a bit of chit chat, he also did not bring up his life in the last two years and I just spoke about my work. Fal was all the while speaking about college and how they met and how they used to meet every alternate day during  the holidays and how Mir had left for Iraq and then his dad had come to London after a year and then I
> realised that Mir's father and Fal's father were business partners.
> Dinner got over and we left the diner and Mir said " lets leave Fal home and then we can go to your hotel and chat the night away, dad anyways knows that I am not coming home, I was supposed to be staying up at Fal's place". I got into the car and we dropped Fal home and I came ahead and sat on the front seat. She kissed him goodnight and left. Mir turned the car around and drove a couple of blocks ahead and stopped the car, turned, looked at me and took my face in his hands and bent his head forward to kiss me but I just pushed back and did not allow him to kiss me after what he had made me go through. I had tears in my eyes and so much of pain that he kept looking at me and said " let me explain" I just looked at him and my eyes said it all.. is there anything to explain?? He read that and said " I know you are hurt and I hurt you but I really love you, I stopped writing or calling because the hurt was growing so much that I could not handle it" " I
> miss you all the time and I just want this hurt inside to stop" " Am I wrong in trying to live a life, look ahead and not back" I did not have an answer but heart of heart knew that he had always kept a back up plan. He had always made sure that he would have someone to fall back on. He did love me but he also shared and emotional attachment with Fal even when we were together.
> He did have guests at his place during the holiday and they were Fal and her family. He had conviniently left that part out. He had been going around with her even then because their fathers had decided that they would get married and he did not have the balls to tell his parents that he was gay.He did not have the balls to tell me that he was going to marry Fal. He wanted the best of both worlds... I was beginning to understand a lot of what had happened then and also now.. He was still waiting for an answer and I just said "Where did I go wrong?, I loved you with all my heart and was ready to share my life with you, go against the world" " you do not have the balls to admit to the world your real self and that you are gay" why should I get screwed because you are a coward"? Why why why??? He just looked in my eyes and saw the hurt, there was no anger now, just plain hurt and lots of it.. He said, " sorry love, some of us are not as brave and strong as
> you" and just pulled me to him and gave me a rough kiss, Pressed his lips hard on mine and let his tongue into my mouth and just kissed me for a long time. It was one of those I am so sorry kisses..and when we broke away, I saw tears in his eyes. " I know I hurt you so much, and I know that I cannot give you what you want, I am strong but cannot go against my parents", I could not argue on that and just turned away and wept uncontrollably.
> We reached my hotel and I informed the manager that I had a guest for the night and that we would need a bottle of chanpagne sent up to the room. We then reached the room, by then I was also feeling ok and all the pent up emotions, the hurt and the agony which I faced forgotten or rather pushed back deep into the back of the mind by the fact that I was feeling alive again.. just to be with Mir again.. the love of my life, just to be spending the night with him even if it was just one night and only night that I would be spending.. did not matter, just to be with him again was worth all the pain..
> We entered the room and shut the door and then there was an awkward silence for a couple of seconds and he just grabbed me and started to kiss me all over my face. we were in a tight embrace and our tongues dancing salsa and our hard cocks doing their own ballet..rubbing against each other, pressing hard on each others cocks.. it was as if the two of us were about to have sex for the first  time..We dont know how we undressed or when we were on the bed but believe me, if we were not carefull or if we did not subdue our passions then we would set the whole place on fire, so much of pent up emotions all coming to the party.. Then slowly sanity set in and we slowed down, he then kissed me and our tongues lapped on each other for a while, he then moved down and kissed my chest which were more muscled in the last few years due to angry workouts. He moved slowly down licking me with his long and rather sharp tongue..Kissing my body on the way and licking my
> abdomen and then moved down to my shaft. He looked up and said" I missed my ram rod" and kissed the mushroom head of my cock gently and the licked the precum off the head. My dick was throbbing and was at full erection and the veins were pumping more and more blood into it.. he then slowly started to suck my cock, gingerely at first and then he was at full on throttle, bobbing up and down on my cock. I was beyond any feelings and was in a world of my own, just enjoying the moment and moaning with wild pleasure. He then got down to licking my balls and then sucking on them. He was good at it and was taking my pleasure to greater heights. He then went down and started licking my ass hole, at first just the rim and then his long tongue started to get way deep into my ass hole. he was making slurping sounds and that excited me further. He was fucking me with his tongue and I was enjoying it. He then came back up and lay on top of me and our cocks met and
> said hi and started pressing on each other.I then took his face in mine and looked into his eyes and kissed him. Then I just wispered in his ears " I wanna Fuck you", and rolled him under me and took his legs on my shoulder and without warning just rammed my hard cock into his glory hole. It pained him and he yelped but then waited for me to push it in further, this was his way of saying sorry. I realised that in the heat of the moment I had forgotten to lube him or my dick and immediately removed my cock and pulled out a tube of lube from the desk and applied it gently on his now bleeding asshole. I then applied some to my cock and then asked him, "your ass is bit sore, its bleeding a bit, should we wait till the morning" he said " its ok, your heart bled a lot, now its time for me to bleed." I gently pushed my cock into his ass hole, and he adjusted to my cock and then in a couple of minutes it was all inside his ass. I got into a rythem and fucked
> him for just under 5 minutes and came hard. I banged my cock deep into him and came.. jets and jets of cum hit his asshole and filled him. while I was about to remove my cock from his asshole he pushed his ass all the way again taking my cock inside him and then he came, screaming my name and telling me that he loved me.. jets of jism hit his face and his chest..after he was finished I just licked his chest clean of the cum and collapsed next to him.
> The doorbell rang after a minute and he just got up naked and opened the door and the steward came in and left the Champagne and the bucket of ice, Mir tipped him a tenner and he bid us good night and left. Mir turned around and said " cute guy eh! " and just burst out laughing, we both laughed so hard that all the hurt was forgotten.
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> We then spent the night chatting and cuddling up to each other and he said " I love you but can't be with you, you will find someone whom you will may be fall in love with, but I am going to marry someone who I will never love" that is my punishment and that is the price I pay for not being able to stand up for myself. I said " No ma love that is the way of nature, that is destiny, that is the price we have to pay to make those who brought us into this world happy". "I now understand why you did not write or call, I now know why you did not tell me about Fal. Now I know my love that I am your love and you love me so much that you made love to me even though you are getting married". He said " I was married when I left for Iraq" " My soul married yours my love and it will always be that way" saying this he just buried his head in my chest and wept, wept uncontollable and like a child. I just let him cry.. Tears rolled down from my eyes too...
> That night we were awake and did not sleep a wink. We both knew that this was probably the last night together. We did not want to miss a single touch, word, or expression on each others face.. He left in the morning after a good round of sex where for the first time he fucked me he left.. I told him that I would be there for his wedding which he said was a week from now...I had made peace with my demons.. hope he did too.. My love that night was Body & Soul, Pure & Simple.
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